So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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