so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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