You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
