So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
