when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
