Got a toothbrush?
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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