I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She announced her abortion via fbk
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
