He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
