She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
