I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
