Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
