Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
