I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
