her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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