How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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