none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Randomize
