Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
