I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
