i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
being pregnant is like rehab
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
