where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
