from now on my penis is your penis
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
