This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm bleeding and have questions
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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