Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
