last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
