There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
