'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
