I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
