You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
