I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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