I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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