Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
