come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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