who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
