I think my fart just growled at me.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
