I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
