yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
ttyl tear gas
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize