If that was your dad, he is hot
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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