oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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