I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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