There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
