I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
