Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
they're like a gay fantastic four
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
