I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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