where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I have feelings that need drinking.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize