i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
