Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
