I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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