i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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