big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just found a bag of teeth...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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