wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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