somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
