how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
