Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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