So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
