We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize