This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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