I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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