Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
