You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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