hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
