Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
