dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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