I hope mine doesn't look like that
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
