Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
