I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
