So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
