Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
