is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
