im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
