i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
